


Yes, Mistress

by fanfic814



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Bisexual Dean, Bottom Dean, Coming Out, Dean in Denial, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, Prostate Massage, Sex Toys, Spanking, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:43:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic814/pseuds/fanfic814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes when Dean's had a shitty week, he likes to sub at the local BDSM dungeon.  His favorite Domme never fails to help him clear his head, both during a scene and afterward.  Throughout the course of their friendship, Dean has mentioned his confused feelings for Cas, but refuses to act on them for fear of ruining their relationship (okay, and maybe a little gay panic, which Mistress Nadia is determined to help him work through.) </p><p>When Cas follows him to the club out of concern one night, his Domme may help him work through things sooner than he had planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a rough week, and Dean Winchester was fucking  _over it._ In the course of a few days, he'd been knocked unconscious by a werewolf, had his abdomen torn open by a wendigo, and broken his nose in a bar fight.  As if that weren't bad enough, he wasn't the only one who had been taking a beating lately. Sam had broken his arm, been kidnapped by said wendigo, and poisoned by a wraith. Dean could deal with with being injured, but having Sammy partially out of commission too always made him feel like shit.

To top it off, Cas had been pissing him off.  He'd been trying to call him for two weeks to no avail.  Cas was 'busy' a lot lately, dealing with matters in Heaven, but would it be too much to fucking ask for him to just respond once in a while?  It was just common courtesy!  For all Dean knew, he could be dead.  So when Cas finally responded today, Dean let him have it.  Now Cas had fluttered off angry and dejected, which somehow made Dean feel even worse and all he wanted to do was get really, really drunk and forget about everything.

Driving usually seemed to calm him, so he took the long way as he headed to his favorite watering hole.   While rambling through the seedier part of town, his eyes stole a glance at _Pleasures_ , a BDSM dungeon that he had been to a few times.  Okay, maybe more than a few times.

Dean had a dirty little secret.  He might be a take-charge, domineering badass by day, but in bed he was a docile submissive who liked to be spanked, and controlled, and taken care of.  He'd spent a little time in the BDSM scene when Sammy had run off to Stanford, and frankly, he still participated on occasion.  Any time his life was starting to feel a little too out of control, he'd slip away for the night with a mutually agreeable partner or go to a club and... well, clear his head.   Before he could change his mind, he had turned the car into the parking lot.

As he entered the dark nightclub, the pulsating music and the sound of muffled screams and the slapping of skin were deafening, echoing through his brain, driving him to find the release he needed. He knew she had to be here somewhere.  As he circled the club for the second time, he finally found her,  flogging a young blonde sub attached to a St. Andrew's Cross.   _Mistress Nadia._

He stopped to watch for a moment.  As the flogger came down, Mistress Nadia's eyes glanced up and as she spotted him, her cold demeanor folded.  She smiled and waved halfheartedly and motioned for him to stay as she finished up.

"Dean!" she exclaimed as she led him away to a quieter corner.  "How have you been?"

"Alright I guess," Dean said. "Had a rough week, but all in all, things are okay.  How about you, Heather?"

She shrugged. "Can't complain. So why are you really here?"

"Looking for you," he admitted.  "See if you wanted to uh... scene," he bit his lip anxiously.

"For you?  Always.  And we'll talk about what's really bugging you later, huh?" she challenged.

"Fine, fine."

Heather smiled.  "Usual rules?"

Dean nodded.

"Safeword?"

"Impala."

"Silent safeword?"

Dean held up two fingers in a 'peace sign' gesture.

She nodded briefly and took a few steps away from him, reaching for a bag on the nearby chair.  From it, she removed a black spiked leather collar and fastened it around his neck.    
  
"Shirt and pants off," she commanded.   
  
Dean quickly stripped down to his boxers and she rushed forward to clip a matching leash to his collar.     
  
"Good.  Come with me, pet."    
  
"Yes, mistress."  
  
Mistress Nadia lead him to a private room and paused at the nearby spanking bench.  "Up," she commanded.    
  
Dean obediently positioned himself bent over the bench and placed his wrists in the restraints.   A shiver of anticipation shot through him as he felt the restraints tighten around his ankles.  A moment later, his boxers were drawn down to his knees and he whimpered loudly as a thin black riding crop traced it's way down his back.     
  
"Now, my little pet, why have you kept me waiting so long?" Mistress Nadia purred. "I haven't seen you in months and I'm certain we have lots to make up for."  
  
"I...I'm sorry, Mistress," Dean's voice trembled.  "I've been busy."  
  
"Busy?" She repeated.  "Who's been keeping you in line?  I'm sure you've been lacking discipline while you've been away.  Have you been naughty, my pet?"  The crop glided it's way down Dean's ass and he shivered.    
  
"Yes, Mistress."  Dean couldn't even begin to count the ways in which he felt he deserved to be punished.   
  
The riding crop bit into his side with a quick sting and he whimpered in apprehension at what was to come.    
  
"Have you done what we talked about yet?"  Mistress Nadia's voice was cold and unforgiving.   
  
"No, Mistress."  
  
"No?"  Her hand was soothingly stroking it's way up and down his body now and he relaxed ever-so-slightly.  "Why not?"  
  
"Because I... I'm afraid, Mistress," Dean choked.   
  
"Afraid of what, my pet?"  A wooden paddle came crashing down on his ass and he grunted and jerked against his restraints.   
  
Dean's voice faultered.  "E...Everything."  
  
Mistress Nadia's tone softened slightly at that.  "I think we should work you through this fear, don't you?"  
  
"N...no!  I mean, no, please, Mistress."  
  
"Oh, my silly pet," she purred.  "You're going to give in eventually. Why not be brave and do it now?"  A loud thud sounded and the pain of the paddle hit him again.   
  
"I... I can't, Mistress."  
  
"You can.  I'm going to try something.  I know we're pushing your boundaries but remember you can safeword if you need to."  She gently began to unfasten his ankles and wrists.  "Up on the table," she commanded. "On your back."  
  
Dean lay on the table, squirming uncomfortably.  "Yes, Mistress," he said obediently.  Once again, she lashed his wrists to the table, then bent his knees, but didn't restrain them yet.    
  
From his subdued vantage point, Dean saw her remove another item from her bag, but he couldn't make out what it was.  He knew where this was heading though, and his safeword was on the tip of his tongue, just in case. When the lube came out next, Dean sighed.  Yeah, it was inevitable now.   He felt a quick press against the rim of his entrance and then he was filled with a cold, wet, slimy feeling.   
  
_Did she just squirt lube up my ass?_  he wondered incredulously.    
  
"I know this makes you anxious.  You're still able to safeword if you need to, but it would make your Domme very happy if you at least tried this," Mistress Nadia cooed.    
  
Dean nodded nervously.  She'd been on him to try some anal play for a while now, but his constant, irrational gay panic kept him from doing it.  He steeled his nerves.  Alright.  He'd try it.  But he was sure as hell gonna have his safeword ready.   
  
"You're tense, pet.  I need you to relax.  Close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths for me," she said softly as she stroked his hair.  Dean took a few shaky breaths as her hands massaged his shoulders and chest.  She spread his legs and let her hand slip down to the dark pink puckered flesh between his cheeks and began rubbing gentle circles with a lubed finger.  "Keep breathing," she commanded as his breath hitched in his throat.   
  
This part didn't feel so bad, Dean decided. Okay.  If he was being honest, it actually it felt pretty good after a while. The longer she did it, the more he liked it.   It was more the knowledge of what was to come that he didn't want to deal with.  
  
Something hard and slick suddenly pressed up against him and he immediately tensed.   
  
"Breathe," she demanded. "I promise this isn't very big. Relax, and when you feel it start to go in, push into it, don't clench."  Mistress Nadia lifted his legs and pushed his knees up to his chest, leaving his ass open and on display.   Gently, she pushed the toy into him.    
  
Dean groaned as the hard plastic pressed against the tight ring of muscle and instinctively he clenched.    
  
"Relax," she commanded.  "Open for me.  Push."    
  
Dean unclenched his pelvic muscles and pushed and the toy suddenly began to slip in easily.   
  
"There," his Mistress cooed.  "That's not so bad, is it?"  
  
Dean had to admit, it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be.  It didn't really hurt at all.  It felt... strange, but not awful.   
  
"N...no Mistress."  
  
"There's my good boy," she smiled, gently setting his legs back down on the table.  Dean groaned as the toy adjusted and pressed into him  There was a nub pressing into his perineum too that felt weird, but kind of good at the same time.  
  
"Now gently just contract your muscles," she crooned. Dean did, and he flinched a little as the toy pressed into him further.  "Now relax.  How does it feel, pet?"  
  
"Interesting..." Dean breathed.  "Not as bad as I thought, Mistress."  
  
Mistress Nadia smiled.  "Good boy. I want you to keep keep going.  Contract, then relax.  Do what feels good."  
  
Dean obliged.  He bent his knees and whined happily at the change of position.  Then he tried spread eagle on the table, and with his legs together tightly.  Each new position brought a new feeling to the pressure rubbing up against him as he clenched and relaxed.   _So that's my prostate_ , Dean thought.  He was suddenly kind of sorry he'd been neglecting it all these years. Every time the toy snugged up against it, it sent little tingles through his body.  
  
He was moaning now, whimpering pathetically as he lay there, gently bringing himself closer to orgasm. His pelvic muscles were clenching on their own now and felt like he had butterflies in his stomach.   
  
Mistress Nadia's voice pulled him from his own little world for a brief moment.  "Now that you know what it feels like, I want you to think about your man.  Think about him touching you like this.  His fingers inside you, spreading you open..."  
  
Dean groaned.  He hadn't wanted to think about Cas tonight but with that little prompt and the constant pressure on his prostate, it was hard not to now.    
  
"...sliding his fingers in and out as he kisses you..."  
  
God, he had dreamed about that so many times.   
  
"First one finger, then a second... maybe even a third as he works you open, getting you ready to take his long, hard cock..."  
  
Dean moaned loudly and hazarded a glance down at his own cock to see it standing at attention, reddened and shiny, and glistening with precome at the tip.  Everything was tingling now, and he felt lightheaded and dizzy.  His vision kept blacking out at the edges and he was seeing stars and flashes of color.  Much to his embarrassment, he suddenly realized the screaming he'd been hearing was his own, and though he tried to stop, he continued to roar involuntarily.  He glanced helplessly at his Mistress who was smiling in approval.  She gripped one of his bound hands and held it as he squeezed down tightly.  He was hot.  So hot.  And he felt like he was going to come, but he couldn't.    
  
Mistress Nadia took the hint and quickly unbound his right hand.  He frantically stroked himself for just a few seconds before he exploded into the roughest orgasm of his life, screaming and thrashing and coming so hard he thought he might pass out.  As he slowly came down, his Domme untied his other hand and he curled up in a ball on his side, laughing and sobbing at the same time.  Gently, she removed the toy as he groaned at the newfound sensitivity.    
  
"Thank you, Mistress," he whimpered.  "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome, my sweet pet," she whispered, kissing his forehead.  "You did so well for me tonight.  My perfect boy."  She wiped her hand over his sweaty brow, pushing his damp, matted hair up off of his head.  "I pushed your limits and you did it anyway.  God, you're amazing.  I think we should end scene now and I'll take care of you, okay?"  
  
Dean was still whimpering as she began calling his name, still so lost in whatever the hell had just happened to his body that he barely understood her at first.   
  
"Dean?  Dean,  we're done playing now.  Talk to me, sweetheart."  
  
"Yes Mistress," he replied, still trembling.   
  
"No, it's Heather.  Dean, we're done.  Scene's over. C'mon back to me, sweetie."   
  
Slowly Dean came back, squinting as he looked around the room.  He was in a small private room of the BDSM club with Heather, who was looking at him with a touch of concern.    
  
"There you are," she said, exhaling a deep breath.  "You're my favorite sub, but it still scares me a little when you get all lost in subspace there," she laughed nervously.   
  
"Sorry," Dean blushed.    
  
"Don't move," she instructed.  "I'm going to get you all cleaned up first."  She pulled a container of wet wipes out of her bag and began cleaning him up, letting him wipe his own cock clean.  It just felt wrong to touch him when they weren't scening.  "You did so well tonight," she sighed, eyes shining brightly.  "I thought for sure you'd safeword on me, but you just took it!" she exclaimed.  As soon as he was clean again, she wrapped him in a huge bear hug.  "You were amazing.  Let's take this outside to calm down, huh?"  
  
Dean was still shaking, but he nodded and began getting dressed.   Heather changed out of her PVC outfit and into her normal clothes and Dean couldn't help but watch.  She did have a great ass...  
  
She lead him out to his car and they piled into the back seat, as was their usual routine afterwards.  Heather had found out early on that being in the Impala was a source of comfort for him, and she used it as a form of aftercare to help him calm down.  She handed him a bottle of water and made him drink.  He always seemed to get dehydrated after subbing, so he guzzled it down.  "Come on," she said, motioning for him to slide into her arms.  Dean wrapped an arm around her waist and snuggled in, letting her stroke his hair for a while.  This part always made him sleepy and his eyes drooped a few times.    
  
She let him doze off for a while, just holding him as he quietly snored   From the sound of it, she swore this was the only time the poor guy ever relaxed.    
  
His eyes opened again and he apologized sheepishly.  "Sorry.  Didn't mean to fall asleep on you."  
  
"It's okay.  I put you through a lot.  Anything you want to talk about?" she asked gently.    
  
Oh.  Fuck.  That whole bit about Cas. "N..no," he stuttered.   
  
"Come on, Dean.  It's quiet time now. Safe space here.  I think we've beyond a doubt established that you have feelings for the guy.  Or at least he gets you all hot and bothered."  
  
"I'm not gay," Dean sighed.  Why was he always explaining this to people?  
  
"I know you're not gay.  You're clearly into women.  A lot.  But you're also into this Cas guy, whether you want to admit it or not.  Have you considered the fact that you might be bisexual?"  
  
"I..." Dean sighed again.  "I don't know. I've never had a thing for a guy before!  Ever!  And suddenly I have all these weird feelings and shit.  I hate it."  
  
Heather continued stroking his hair as she spoke.  "It's not the end of the world, you know.  The heart wants what it wants.  And so does the dick," she winked.   
  
"My dick doesn't know what the hell it wants, apparently."  
  
She smiled.  "You think he's into you?"  
  
"My brother seems to think so. He's been saying so for years.  And my friend Charlie.  But I don't know. He's...  _different_."  
  
"How so?"  
  
_He's a fucking angel_ , Dean thought.  "He's just... socially awkward and he doesn't understand personal space and he's always touching me and..."  he sighed.  "Yeah.  I think he might be.  I just... I don't want to act on it.  He's my best friend, you know?  I don't think I've ever had a best friend in my entire life.  What if I fuck this up?   Plus I just... I can't."  
  
Heather smiled sadly at him.  "Wait your brother has been saying this for _years_...?   You think you'll ever get over this big gay panic of yours, Dean?"  
  
"I don't know, Heather."  
  
"How did it feel tonight?" she asked.   
  
Dean's face flushed red at the thought of coming so hard with  _anything_  up his ass.   "I didn't make it clear enough in there?  What the hell  _was_  that thing anyway?"  
  
She chuckled.  "Just a prostate massager.  You can take it home with you if you want.  I'm gonna work you up to something a little bigger next time.  And by the time you get your nerve up to talk to the guy, you'll have no problem thinking about a dick in your ass."  
  
"Oh, come on!  You asked me to try it and I did.  And yeah, I liked it.  Doesn't mean I want a giant dildo up my ass!"  
  
Heather smiled.  "Giant dildo, no.  Cas's dick, yes.  So we'll get you warmed up."  
  
"Heather..." he warned.   
  
"Maybe Cas is into the whole BDSM thing!" she said brightly.  "Ooh, he could be your Dom!"  
  
Dean snorted.  "Trust me, he's not into that.  He's as straight-laced as they come.  And nothing is going to happen between us anyway!"  
  
Heather sighed.  "If you say so, Dean."


	2. Chapter 2

"Where did  _you_  go last night?" Sam asked as Dean settled across from him at the kitchen table.

"Bar," Dean lied flatly.

Sam squinted his eyes suspiciously.  "Cas was looking for you.  He checked, but you weren't there."

"Got lucky," Dean shrugged.  "What the hell did Cas want anyway?"

"Oh you know Cas. He was slinking around like a dejected puppy.   He can't stand you being mad at him. I'm sure he was looking to apologize."

Dean huffed.  "Yeah, well he should."

"Go easy on the guy, would you?" Sam berated him.  "You know he's trying to do what's best for everyone.  Matters in heaven are a little more important than you wanting him here to drool over."

"Oh fuck off, Sam," Dean grumbled.

Sam rolled his eyes and picked up a newspaper, shoving it in front of him.  "So get this.  Guy's woodworking in his garage and gets hacked up by his table saw.  Both hands cut off and body severed clear through the back of his spine."

Dean stared at the article and shrugged.  "Maybe he's just really clumsy."

Sam gave him his best disbelieving bitchface. "Wife swears she saw something with  _claws_  earlier that day."

"Vengeful werewolf?" Dean quipped.

"Who knows.  But it's definitely our kinda thing.  It's about two hours from here.  Wanna go check it out?"

"Don't you think we should take a day or two to recover?" Dean sighed.

"Hey, you're the one who's always chomping at the bit to work! I just figured I'd suggest it."

Dean tiredly wiped a hand over his face.  "Yeah.  Sure.  Let's go."

:::::::::::::::::

The Impala crept quietly back to the bunker as Dean clenched his jaw in an angry silence.  Sam was biting down hard on his cheek as he waited for the impending explosion.   As the car came to a halt inside the bunker's garage, Dean finally let loose.

"Are you fucking  _kidding_  me?  How much worse can our luck get this week? Would it be too much to ask for a fucking  _break_  once in a while?"

"I know, Dean," Sam started. "I'm sorry I..."

"It's not your fault!" Dean grumbled. "I'm just fucking sick of it!"  His fist hit the steering wheel in a fit of anger, then he quickly changed his tone.  "Sorry, Baby. Didn't mean to take it out on you," he said, stroking the wheel gently.

Sam just rolled his eyes.  "Come on.  I need to get you stitched up before you bleed out on me."  He got out and rounded the car, slipping his good arm under Dean's shoulder as he helped him up.  He led him to the library and sat him down in a chair, then collected the first aid kit and some alcohol. "Drink," he commanded as he set a double shot of whiskey down in front of him.

Dean picked up the glass and slammed it back, then motioned for another one.

Once the glass was refilled, Sam set to work.  He cleaned the wound, and made Dean thread the needle since he couldn't quite manage with a bad arm.  Between the two of them, they managed to give Dean three fresh, awkward rows of tight stitches.

Dean poured himself another shot as Sam started to clean up.  He was still feeling pretty pissy about how the night had gone.  At least they had ganked the bastard, he supposed.   "Sammy, I'm gonna go lie down," he sighed.  "I feel like shit."

"Okay Dean.  Hey, you know, you were right," Sam said.  "We both need some time to recover.  Let's take a few days off."

Dean nodded numbly and started up the stairs.

Once in his safe, warm bed, Dean whipped out his phone and immediately sent a text message:

_SMS to: Heather: Mistress?_  
_SMS from: Heather: Yes, pet?_  
_SMS to: Heather: Having a bad day. Can you call me?_  
_SMS from: Heather:  Of course._

"What's wrong, my sweet pet?"  the voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Just... Work stuff.  Got injured again, but I guess I'm okay.  Bad day, Mistress."

"I see," Mistress Nadia soothed.  "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.  What can we do to make it better?"

"I don't know.  I can't drive.  I'm a little drunk."

"Hmm.  Remember when I sent you home with the massager?  Have you looked in the bag, pet?"

"No, mistress."

"Please get the bag, love.  I put something else in there for you."

Dean walked over to the dresser and pulled out the paper bag.  He opened it curiously.  But what was it...  _oh._   'Beginners anal plug', the box read.

"You're going to wear it," Mistress Nadia instructed.  "And you may not touch yourself until I say so.  I want you to insert it and wear it until morning.  Remember  _lots_  of lube.  Once it's in, I want you to call your man and invite him over."

"But Mistress..."

"Uh uh," she admonished.  "You may safeword if you need to.  Otherwise, no arguments.  Arguing will just earn you spankings for next time."

"But Mistress, I'll have to see people at some point..."

"Yes," she agreed.  "You will wear it with people around."

Dean huffed in frustration.

"Be a good boy for me and do it now, pet.  Lots of lube.  Relax your muscles.  Text me when you've finished."  The phone abruptly went silent and Dean sighed.  Alright, the massager hadn't been that bad.  Maybe this wouldn't be either.  He opened the box and removed the toy, studying it curiously.  It didn't look so frightening.  It was slim, smooth translucent pink silicone, and it wasn't that big.  The widest point wasn't much bigger than his finger.

Okay.  He could do this. He stripped his clothes off and lay back on the bed, reaching in the bedside table's drawer for the lube. He drizzled some onto his fingers  and took a deep breath.  Bending his knees, he reached between his legs and began rubbing.  At first, he felt incredibly awkward playing with his asshole.  Frankly, he'd never even  _thought_  about touching it before, but he had to admit, it felt pretty good.  He tensed a little as he prodded with his finger, allowing the tip to enter him.  He groaned and let it slip in just a bit further. It was uncomfortable, but it didn't really hurt. He clenched around his finger a few times and whimpered at how hot and tight he felt.  Quickly he removed his hand and grabbed the lube, awkwardly trying to get some inside himself first like Mistress had done.  He slicked up the new toy, then pressed it to his opening.  He took a deep breath and tried to relax, then began to insert it.  Groaning as he hit halfway, he suddenly remembered Mistress's instructions to push, and the toy suddenly slid easily inside of him.

Alright.  Not so bad. A little uncomfortable but not awful. He wiped the lube from his hands with a tissue and picked up his phone.

_SMS to: Heather:  It's in, Mistress._  
_SMS from: Heather:  Good boy.  How does it feel?_  
_SMS to: Heather: A little uncomfortable, but not bad._  
_SMS from Heather:  Good.  If it makes you too sore, please tell me, pet.  Otherwise, I'd like you to invite your man over.  Just hang out.  You'll sleep with it in tonight, and no touching yourself._  
_SMS to: Heather:  Yes, Mistress._  
_SMS from: Heather:  Call me in the morning, pet._

Dean sat up quickly and groaned as the plug shifted inside of him. This is not what he'd had in mind when he called.  He was hoping for a little bondage, maybe a little spanking.  He loved the feeling of being restrained and controlled, but this was... different.  He wasn't sure he was ready for secret public anal play, but the six shots of liquid courage he'd just thrown back were probably making him feel more relaxed than usual.

He took a long, deep breath and closed his eyes.  Now to call Cas.  If he was being completely honest with himself, he really hated being mad at him.  He knew that Cas was trying to do the right thing, but it still bothered him when he couldn't  _at least_  answer.  Oh well.  Here goes nothing, he thought.

"Cas, you got your ears on?  Nothing important, just wondering if you'd uh... like to come hang out a bit?  Maybe watch a movie. I don't know."

Before he could even blink, Cas stood in front of him.  "Hello, Dean."

"Hey," Dean said awkwardly.  "Look Cas, I'm sorry I went off on you the other day. I just..." he paused.  "I worry about you, and I just hate when you don't answer. "

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas said.  "I didn't mean to make you worry.  Matters have been very pressing in Heaven, but I promise I'll try to be better about responding."  The sincerity in his clear blue eyes was evident, and Dean just couldn't stay mad at him.

"Thanks, Cas.  So, do you have some time to hang out?  I thought maybe we could watch a movie or something?  I'm already a little wasted, but there's a bottle of Johnny Walker on my dresser if you want some."

"Sure," Cas said, sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed.  Cas's social awkwardness was always more evident when partaking in human leisure activities.

"Just relax," Dean laughed as he piled a few pillows against the wall. Cas removed his jackets and shoes, then leaned back as Dean got up to throw a movie in the DVD player.

Dean had to bite his lip to keep from groaning as he stood, the foreign sensation in his ass suddenly felt pretty good as it rubbed up against him just right.  He quickly grabbed the bottle of whiskey from his dresser and poured two glasses, then sat back down.  It shifted again as he sat and he bit back a whimper.  This was going to be a long night.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas asked abruptly.  "You look uncomfortable."

Dean felt his cheeks burning red as he assured Cas he was fine. He was suddenly paranoid that Cas could see right through him.  For as awkward as this whole situation was, it was making him pretty damn horny.  He lay back and bent his legs at the knee, hoping it would help hide the growing bulge in his pants.    
  
The first Lord of the Rings movie and half a bottle of whiskey later, Dean was feeling pretty frisky and uninhibited.  "I'm pretty tired, Cas," he slurred.  "You should stay here tonight."   _Fuck_ he was horny.  
  
"Uhh.  Okay.  Sure," Cas stuttered.   
  
Dean smirked.  "Good.  'Night, Cas," he said as he crawled over and kissed him hard and full on the lips.   
  
Cas let out a strangled gasp as Dean's tongue pressed against the seam of his lips and his body settled heavily on top of him.  His hands gripped tightly at the blankets as Dean plundered his mouth and bucked his hips against him.   
  
Dean pulled back, grinning at the flushed, slightly panicked face beneath him.  He looked a bit like he had when Dean had taken him to the - what had Cas called it? - 'den of iniquity'.    
  
"Sorry," Dean said suddenly.  "Guess I shouldn't have done that."  
  
"No!" Cas exclaimed.  "It was... nice.  But I believe you're highly intoxicated."  
  
"That I am, Cas," Dean said, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting his head on Cas's shoulder.  "That I am."  


	3. Chapter 3

  
Dean awoke with a faint soreness in his ass and a pounding headache.  The bed next to him was cold and empty and he gripped his head, trying to dull the pain and remember what had happened last night.   
  
He groaned as he sat up.  The plug was finally getting to be too much for him.   Squinting at the too-bright room, he reached on the nightstand for his phone and found a note on top of it.    
  
  
_Dean,  
I'm sorry but I have to go.  I'm being called.  I'll talk to you soon.   
\- Cas  
  
  
_Well, at least he had the decency to leave a note this time, Dean thought. He grabbed the phone and punched in Heather's phone number.   
  
"Good morning, pet.  How did you sleep?"  
  
"Horribly, Mistress.  I had sex dreams all night and I think I may have jizzed my pants," he grimaced, prodding at his damp underwear. "I'm sore now too."  
  
"I'm sorry, pet.  You may take it out now.  Just relax and push your muscles as you pull it out."  
  
Dean slid out of his sleep pants and underwear, then slowly began to work the plug out, sighing in relief as it slid easily.   
  
"How do you feel, pet?"  
  
"A little dirty, but okay, Mistress."  
  
"Good.  It's supposed to feel a bit naughty. I think we should stop playing for now, what do you think, love?"  
  
"Yes, Mistress."  Dean took a deep breath and let his mind slip back to it's normal state.   
  
"Dean?"  
  
"Hey, Heather."  
  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
  
Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  "It wasn't that bad, I guess. After awhile it just made me feel constantly horny.  And the dreams...  _fuck_."  
  
She laughed softly.  "See what you've been missing out on?  Even if you never decide to make the big leap, there's nothing wrong with getting to know your own body.  But for the record, you totally  _should_  make that leap."  
  
"I think I'm too hungover to argue," Dean mumbled.    
  
"So, did you invite Cas over?"  
  
"Yeah," Dean said.  "I just invited him over for a movie, no big de..." The image of Cas, flushed and panting beneath him suddenly flashed in front of him and he groaned.  "Oh shit."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I think I kissed him last night."  
  
"Are you serious?" Heather squeaked.  "Dean!"  
  
Dean groaned again.  "Oh god, and I may have grinded on him a little.  Oh fuck..."  
  
Heather bit back a laugh.  "You ready to admit you're in love with the guy or what?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Dean sighed. "I know.  I am.  I'm just freaked out about it.  Can you just beat it out of me or something?"  
  
"Psshh," Heather scoffed.  "You'd like that too much."  
  
"Yeah," Dean sighed. "Well hey, I should probably go try to find Cas and apologize for throwing myself at him last night."    
  
"Alright sweetie.  You okay?  I can meet you somewhere if you need a little more relax time."  
  
"I think I'm good.  Wasn't too stressful this time.  Why are you so obsessed with me and anal stuff anyway?"  
  
Heather laughed.  "Because you're head over heels for the guy and you are very clearly a bottom, Dean.  I just want you to get over the fear of having something in your ass so you can be happy already."  
  
"What?  What about me screams 'bottom'?"  Dean asked suddenly.   
  
"Nothing anyone but me would notice," she laughed.  "By day, you're a dominant, take-charge hardass, but by night, you like someone to dominate you.  It's sweet, really."  
  
Dean groaned.   
  
"Don't be embarrassed," she said.  "If I were into guys, you'd be my dream man.  Seriously, a tough guy who's a sweet, submissive lover in bed?  Uh, yes please.  Anyway, go find Cas.  I'll talk to you later.  Call me if you need anything, okay?"  
  
"Thanks, Heather."  
  
Dean hung up and stood, pacing the room for a minute before he got up the nerve to call Cas. On the bright side, Dean thought, he probably wouldn't answer anyway.  
  
"Cas?  You busy?" he said out loud.  "C'mon down here if you have a minute. I need to uh..."  
  
"Hello, Dean."  Cas stood in front of him, awkwardly looking down at his shoes.    
  
"Uh," Dean stuttered.  "Uh.  Hey, Cas."  Before he could say another word, Cas had stepped impossibly closer and wound his fingers in the back of Dean's hair.  He tugged slightly, tilting Dean's head backward, exposing his neck.  Dean was wide-eyed and panting already as Cas locked eyes with him for a moment, and when Cas's warm mouth latched onto his neck, Dean let loose a pathetically loud whimper.    
  
Cas kissed and sucked and nipped at his neck before moving up to his ear, pausing to tug his earlobe between his teeth.  He tilted Dean's head forward again and then crushed their mouths together in a bruising kiss before finally pulling back.   
  
For a moment, Dean just stared breathlessly at him.  "C...Cas," he finally managed.  "What was that?"  
  
"I..."  Cas paused, suddenly looking a little anxious.  "I uh, I thought after last night that..."  
  
"Yeah... Cas, about last night," Dean sighed.  "I'm sorry. I was really, really hammered.  I shouldn't have done that."  
  
"Why not?" Cas squeaked quietly.   
  
"Because we're friends and um... we shouldn't be doing that.  Things could get really awkward between us, and..."  
  
Cas sighed.  "Stow your crap, Dean.  At least the alcohol gave you the guts to  _do_  something.  I have to go.  Heaven needs me."  
  
And as quickly as he had appeared, Cas vanished.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks passed, and Dean hadn't seen hide nor hair of Cas.  Well, he sure as hell wasn't going to suck up his pride and call him.  He was still kind of stunned at the way Cas had snapped at him... and how he had  _kissed_  him.  Fuck.  Where the hell did he learn to kiss like that anyway?

When he came down for breakfast that morning, Sam was already sitting at the table in front of his laptop, sipping a steaming cup of coffee.

"So..." Sam started.  "Are you still pissed at Cas or what?  It's been weeks, Dean, give the guy a break.  I've been calling him and he won't answer.  We really need his help on this job. Sure as hell looks like an angel kill."

"I'm not..." Dean paused.  "He's been here since.  This is something else I guess."

Sam sighed.  "Jesus, Dean, you two fight more than an old married couple.   I can't take all this pent-up sexual tension.  It's making you both crazy!"

"There's no sexual tension!" Dean grumbled.  "I'm not... He's... We're not like that."

"God knows you should be," Sam mumbled.  "Dean.  You're bisexual.  Accept it."

"Sammy..."

"Dude, it's not a big deal.  I fooled around with a few guys at Stanford," he shrugged.

Dean froze as he raised his coffee cup to his lips.  "Seriously?"

Sam nodded.  "I was curious."

"Are you still uh... attracted to guys?" Dean asked in a shaky voice.

"Not really.  I'm far more interested in women. But maybe that means I'm bi too. I don't know. I don't really care if I throw a label on it or not. Sexuality is fluid, Dean. Sometimes things change."

Dean took a deep breath.  "Well it's freaking me the fuck out," he sighed.

Sam bit back a grin at his admission. "Well, yeah.  It's scary sometimes but you can't just ignore it. You'll make yourself miserable."

"But... I can't even... dude, he's my best friend.  How many friends have I had in my lifetime, Sam?  What if it doesn't work?"

"Hmmph.  I get it.  But I think you're both in too deep to keep pretending, don't you?"

Dean sat there in silence for a while, frowning into his coffee.  "I just don't know, Sammy."

"What's Cas think about all of this?  Wait, I'm sure you haven't talked about it.  You know,  _feelings_  and all."

"Yeah, not exactly..."

"Well, I hope you figure it out, Dean," Sam said, picking up his cup and taking it to the sink.  "Any idea how we can get him here?  We really do need his help."

Dean shrugged.  "I've been trying.  But I'll see what I can do."

After he'd finished his coffee, Dean made his way back to his bedroom and flopped down listlessly on the bed.  
  
"Alright Cas," he said out loud.  "You don't have to talk to me, but we need your help.  Sammy's got something that looks like an angel kill here and we can't do this alone."  
  
"Hello, Dean," a voice said coldly. Cas stood in front of him, giving him an empty stare before abruptly turning around and heading to the library.    
  
:::::::::::::::::::  
  
The ride home in the Impala was awkward, as Cas had promised Sam he'd come back to the bunker to help with some research.  Sam had sprained an ankle, and had insisted on stretching out in the back seat, leaving Cas to stare silently out his passenger-side window.  
  
The mood in the bunker wasn't much better, the three of them pouring over lore books for another job Sam was looking into.  Having Cas here and not talking to him was just making Dean feel shittier.  Maybe he could slip out for a bit...  
  
_SMS to: Heather:  You busy?_  
_SMS from: Heather:  Not really.  What's up, Dean?_  
_SMS to: Heather:  Would you like to scene for a bit?  I need... something._  
_SMS from:  Heather:  Yeah.  What's wrong?_  
_SMS to: Heather:  Just feeling like shit.  Shitty day._  
_SMS from: Heather:  What would you like me to do?_  
_SMS to: Heather:  I should be punished._  
_SMS from: Heather: Give me twenty minutes.  Usual place.  I'll punish you for ALL the bad things..._  
_SMS to: Heather: See you soon._  
  
"Dean," a voice suddenly startled him from his texting.  Cas was practically standing over his shoulder.  "Can I talk to you for a minute?  In the kitchen?"  
  
Dean rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yeah.  Sure."  He made his way to the kitchen and sat down at the table.  "What?" he asked coldly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"What was _what_?"  
  
"The text. What's this about punishment?" Cas asked, furrowing his brow.   
  
Dean frowned. "Why the hell are you reading my texts anyway?"  
  
"No offense, Dean, but you were pretty damn obvious about it.  Sorry I got curious. So what's with the punishment?  And who are you talking to?"  
  
"Don't worry about it," Dean huffed.   
  
Cas grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted him from his chair. "Talk to me, Dean."  
  
"It's none of your damn business, Cas!" Dean growled.   
  
"Well you're asking someone to physically harm you.  It's now my business!" Cas countered, shoving him back against the wall.   
  
"Fine!" Dean yelled.  "Fuck, just let go of me for chrissake!"   Cas loosened his grip.  "Sometimes when I feel like shit, I go to the BDSM dungeon downtown."  
  
"The..."  Cas paused.  "You mean... oh..."  
  
Dean smirked.  "Like you even know what that is."  
  
"I'm thousands of years old, Dean, I'm not that naive.  I've..."  he paused, "read about it.  Why?"  
  
"Because I deserve being punished sometimes.  And frankly, I kind of like it."  
  
Cas's eyes were big and dewy.  "Dean... you don't deserve..."  
  
"Shut up, Cas.  I do."  
  
"Isn't it um..."  Cas fumbled for the words.  "Isn't it also about sexual gratification?"  
  
"Sometimes.  Other times not."  
  
"Who is this person who is punishing you? Dean, what if they're a demon?  Do you really want to be in such a vulnerable position with all of the creatures after you?"  
  
"Cas, I'm fine.  She's not a demon. I've known her for years."  
  
"She?" Cas blurted.  "You've been... for years?  Dean, I don't think it's a good idea..."  
  
"Well it's not your place to say, Cas.  I have to get ready to go.  Not a word about this to Sammy, understand?"  
  
"But Dean..."  
  
"See ya, Cas."


	5. Chapter 5

The feel of the leather collar tightening around his neck always brought Dean a sense of clarity.  Here he knew who he was.  He could let his guard down and be vulnerable, even cry if he wanted to.  He could forget about all of the emotion and the difficulties of the real world.  In a strange way, the collar was freedom.

His Mistress had procured a private room again and he was on his knees bent over a spanking bench, wrists and ankles tightly restrained.  His clothes were in pile on the floor next to him, and he was blindfolded and gagged today as well.  While he'd worn the ball gag many times, today Mistress had found a penis-shaped gag to shove in his mouth, which just added to his punishment.

"Oh, pet," she crooned.  "You look so pretty with your mouth all filled up.  What do you say we fill this up too?" she asked, sliding her riding crop down the crack of his ass.

Dean whimpered through the gag.  He wasn't sure he was ready for it, but he could use his silent safeword if he needed to.  He trusted his Mistress, and she was always watching out for him.   Gently, a lube-slicked plug began rubbing circles against his hole, teasing him ever-so-slightly until he started to open a little on his own.

"Relax, pet.  I'm going to insert it now," she said softly.  Dean did his best to relax his muscles, and the plug slid in, with a bit of resistance this time.  He groaned loudly as it filled him.  This one was definitely bigger than the last one.

"Mmm, much better, don't you think?" Mistress praised.  The paddle suddenly came down on his ass and he moaned around his gag.  The combination of being blindfolded and having both his mouth and ass filled was ridiculously hot all of a sudden.

"Excuse me," Mistress suddenly said.  "This is a private room."

"Dean?"  Dean froze at the sound of his real name and his brain tried to slip back to it's normal state to process what he'd just heard. "Dean..."

"Excuse me for a moment, pet," Mistress said softly.  "I'm just going to talk to your friend here."

 _Oh fuck._   Cas.  It was Cas.  What the fuck was he doing here?  Suddenly snapped out of subspace, Dean thrashed against his restraints, but since he was alone in the room he was stuck there.  The fact that Cas had just seen him naked and restrained with a plug in his ass and a penis gag in his mouth set him into a state of panic.   He waited there for what seemed like hours before Mistress returned again.

"I'm sorry, pet.  Let's get back to it, shall we?" she said as she removed his gag and blindfold.

"Mistress, what was..."

"Don't worry about it, love. It's taken care of."

He had no idea what she had said to Cas, but he was still freaking out.

"Pet, we're going to work on trust today.  Do you trust me?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Good.  I've spoken to your friend, and he's agreed to join us today.  So I'm going to experiment a little with you both."

Dean tugged at his restraints again.  "Mistress, I can't..."

"You can.  Or you can safeword.  Safeword and it all goes away, pet.  Otherwise, we're going to test your limits today, understood?"

Dean sighed heavily.  "Yes, mistress."

"Come back in here, love."   Cas entered the room again, wearing only his boxer shorts and a leather collar, and looking slightly terrified.  Dean clamped his jaw shut to keep from moaning at the sight of him.

"Mistress," Dean interrupted.

"Yes, pet?"

"I... he... he knows he doesn't have to do this, right?"

"Of course, pet.  I might test your limits, but I'd never force either of you to do anything.  I've explained to him how everything works, and he has his own safeword if he needs it, right love?" she looked over at Cas, who steeled his jaw and nodded.   She stepped forward and tied the blindfold around Dean's eyes again.  He trembled at being so damn vulnerable in front of Cas, yet at the same time, he was incredibly turned on by it.

"So, new pet, I want you to take  _this_  and do whatever you want to him," Dean heard Mistress say.  He braced himself, wondering what kind of tool she had handed Cas - the crop, the flogger, the slapper, the Wartenberg wheel... oh god he hoped it wasn't the drilled paddle. That thing hurt like a bitch.  His entire body was vibrating in anticipation as he waited for some sensation to hit him, and he gasped out loud as it did.  The tickler.  Dean hated being tickled.  He'd take pain over tickling any day. The feathers dragged over his body in a slow, agonizing pull and Dean growled out in frustration.  Suddenly the slapper came down on his ass with a sharp sting and he whimpered.

"Patience, pet," Mistress instructed. "Here," she said to Cas.  "Try this one on him."

"M...Mistress, I..."

"Uh uh uh.  Safeword?"

"No, Mistress," Cas sighed.

Dean felt a good, hard, whack on his ass with the paddle this time and he moaned.  Did Cas just do that?  Because holy shit, that's how he was picturing it and it sure as hell was working for him.  A hand was soothingly rubbing over the reddened flesh now and Dean mewled at the sudden thought of Cas touching his ass.

"M...Mistress," Cas stuttered.  "What... uh...?"

"This?" Mistress asked, laughing as she tapped firmly at the plug in Dean's ass.  "You've never seen a butt plug before, pet?   My, my, you are an innocent one, aren't you?  That's going to keep his ass nice and full for us.  It feels good, doesn't it, pet?" she asked as she slapped Dean's ass with her hand.

"Y...Yes, Mistress," Dean gasped.

"It also works well to stretch him out before you fuck him," she said slyly, and Cas let out a high pitched whine.

"Oh sweetheart, you want to be with him so badly, don't you?" she crooned.  "How long have you been waiting for him to come around?"

"Y... Years, Mistress."

"Years!  I think we should teach him a little lesson tonight.  Make him know how it feels to  _want_."  She cracked the leather slapper down on his ass once more, then began unfastening his restraints.  "Would you get his blindfold, love?" she asked Cas.

Cas untied the blindfold and stared at Dean's panting, desperate, face for a long moment before Mistress yanked him up again.  "Chair," she demanded.   Dean sat gingerly in the bondage chair, groaning a little as the plug shifted inside of him.

"No matter what happens tonight, you do not get to come," Mistress said tersely as she lashed his ankles to the chair legs and ran a restraint around his waist.  Dean was flushed red now from his legs to the tips of his ears as he looked at Cas.  He was also achingly hard and standing at attention, which made it even more embarrassing.  This had been a little easier when he had been blindfolded.

"We're going to work on closeness," Mistress said.  "You, my new pet, I want you to straddle the chair facing him, then gently lower yourself into his lap."  Cas looked at Dean, wide-eyed and trembling, until Mistress's riding crop bit into his side.

"Ouch!  Yes, Mistress," Cas yelped.

"Good boy," she smiled.

Dean was looking up at him with a pretty terrified look on his face as well, and Cas bit his bottom lip nervously before stepping forward.

"Either of you can safeword at anytime," Mistress reminded them.

Cas nodded and swallowed hard, then approached him slowly, planting one leg on either side of the chair before lowering down into his lap.

"Closer," Mistress commanded.  Cas scooted in until their chests were pressed tightly together.

Dean's dick was twitching against Cas's ass and he moaned and helplessly buried his face in Cas's neck.

"Just hold each other," Mistress said softly.  Cas let his arms settle around Dean's back and Dean softly wrapped his around his waist.

Dean looked up again, their faces so close, he could feel Cas's shaky breath against his lips.

"What does this make you want to do, pet?" Mistress asked as she prodded Dean with the crop.

Dean swallowed hard as he stared into Cas's deep blue eyes that were swimming with a million different emotions.  "I... want to kiss him," Dean stuttered.

"What about you?" Mistress said, tapping Cas on the shoulder.  Cas just nodded breathlessly.   "You may kiss him," she said to Cas. "Or touch him.  Anywhere and anyhow you'd like," she smirked.  "You, on the other hand... You don't get to touch."

She took Dean's arms and restrained them straight out to either side of him.

"Go on," she nudged Cas gently.  "If he doesn't want it, he'll safeword."

Nervously, Cas began softly kissing at Dean's stubbled jaw as Dean panted hard.  He nuzzled his way up to Dean's earlobe, kissing and nibbling little bites to his neck along the way.  Dean whimpered and tried to thrust his hips upward, but the riding crop snapped at his shoulder.

"I said no touching," Mistress warned.

Cas smiled softly and moved his hips a little, giving him the friction he was looking for and Dean gasped his thanks.

"Mmmhmm," Mistress hummed.  "Don't enjoy it too much. You're not coming tonight."

Dean whined.  "Please, Mistress."

"No. I don't think you've learned your lesson yet, pet.  All this time you've kept him waiting... You're going to be waiting a while.  Do I need to get the cock cage?"

"N...No, Mistress!" Dean choked.  The cock cage was the worst.

Cas lifted Dean's face to his and tentatively pressed their lips together.  Dean froze in place for a minute until he heard Mistress's voice.

"I suppose you can kiss back, pet."

Dean practically roared in pent-up frustration as he pushed forward, tongue-fucking Cas's mouth as Cas held on for dear life.

"Ooookay, that's enough," Mistress said, tapping Dean's shoulder with the crop. "Enjoying yourself a little too much there.  What else would you like to do to him, sweetheart?" she asked as she turned to Cas.  "Would you like to tease him a little?  I have nipple clamps, hot wax...  We can move him back to the spanking bench or the table if you'd like."

"Bench," Cas said, and Dean moaned at Cas suddenly taking charge.

Mistress got him strapped back into the bench and Cas walked around behind him.

A hand struck Dean's ass and he twitched again, his dick now painfully hard as he cried out in frustration.

Cas soothed one hand over the area he had just hit, while the other gently worked the plug out of him, making Dean groan at the sudden loss of fullness.   He moved his fingers to the now-gaping hole, gently rubbing tiny circles around the rim.  Hesitantly, he dipped the tip of his finger inside.

"Here," Mistress said quietly, pulling his hand back and coating his fingers in lube.  "Like this," she motioned softly, showing him the best way to stimulate him.

Cas nodded and slipped a finger inside of Dean's ass as Dean watched him over his shoulder disbelievingly.

"Please, Mistress, please," Dean begged, tears now streaming down his face.  His dick was so hard it hurt, and now with Cas rubbing gentle circles against his prostate he was sure he was going to come.  It felt good, but it was absolute fucking torture. 

"Not quite, pet.  What would you like him to do to you?"

"F...fuck me," Dean choked. "Please."

Mistress's crop smacked his ass and she smiled.  "You want his dick in your ass, pet?  He's so hard for you..."

"Yes," Dean gasped.  "Want it. Need. Please."

"Tell him what you want," Mistress Nadia said simply.

"P...please fuck me," he squeaked over his shoulder.  Cas was bent over him now, kissing his neck and shoulders. "Please," he begged.

Cas smiled and unfastened Dean's restraints.  "Up," he said softly.  Dean stood on his shaky legs and Cas eased him down onto the table.

"Please," Dean continued.  "Need you."

"Shhhh," Cas whispered.  "I know.  But not like this.  Not this time, at least," he insisted.  He spread Dean's legs and and quickly slid his cock into his mouth, making him whine again in frustration.  Just as Cas found an awkward rhythm of bobbing and sucking, he suddenly paused.

"Please, Mistress," Cas whispered.

Mistress Nadia smiled.  " _Now_ you may come," she said, tapping Dean with the crop again.

Cas continued to work him with his mouth and hand until Dean yelled loudly and involuntarily bucked his hips, nearly choking him as he began to come.

"Fuck, oh fuck, shit, shit, oh god, fuck..." Dean let loose a string of curse words as Cas just continued swallowing everything down. When his body finally went limp on the table, he let out a long, choked sob and grabbed at Cas's shirt, pulling him up on top of him.

"Come here," he whispered, still trembling.  "Please."

Cas lowered his body down on top of him, kissing him firmly before rolling them both onto their sides. He wrapped an arm tightly around Dean's waist, and wiped his tears, while Dean continued to sob.

"We're done playing now, pets," a soft voice said.  "Cas, are you okay?"

Cas nodded.

"Dean?"

Dean didn't answer.

"Dean?  Talk to us, sweetheart."

"Y...yeah," he hiccuped and sniffled at the same time.  "Cas?"  
  
"I know, Dean," Cas shushed him.  "Just breathe," he said as he rubbed his back in reassurance.

"I know you guys are going to need a minute, so whenever you're ready, meet me at Dean's car, okay?  You both need some time to come down and relax."  Heather slipped a sweatshirt over her clothes and abruptly left.


	6. Chapter 6

Suddenly alone with Cas, Dean struggled to find words.  "Cas, I'm uhh... We... You..." he stuttered pathetically.

"Dean," Cas interrupted.  "I'm so sorry.  This doesn't have to change anything."

"Oh god, please don't say that," Dean breathed. "Cas, I...  _I'm_ sorry. I've been so stupid.  I knew you wanted me and I wanted...  _want_  you too.  I just,"  he sighed.  "I was scared."

"I know," Cas said softly.  "Are you still scared?"

"Yes," Dean admitted hoarsely.  "I'm scared shitless.  But I don't want to run anymore."

Cas wiped a few stray tears from Dean's face with his thumb, then brushed his lips softly against his forehead.  "Let's just take this slow then."

Dean nodded gratefully, taking a deep breath as he lay his head on Cas's shoulder.  "We should probably get dressed.  Heather's waiting on us."

As they slid into the back seat of the Impala, Heather greeted them with bottled water and snacks. "You guys okay?" she asked softly.

Cas nodded and Dean guzzled down his water before trying to answer. "I'm okay," he said in a wrecked, raspy voice. "Exhausted. Physically and emotionally."

"I can imagine. I'm proud of you, Dean," she said, pulling them both in close to her chest while Dean wrapped an arm around her waist. Cas stared questioningly at Dean, whose eyes were fluttering closed in a state of drowsy bliss while Heather rubbed them both soothingly.

"Aftercare," he explained, yawning. "Sometimes it takes a while to get back to normal after an intense scene. A little closeness and quiet time helps me."

Cas considered this thoughtfully, then reached over and grabbed his hand. "It's nice," he nodded, sighing contentedly.

"How are you holding up, Cas? " Heather asked. "I didn't scar you for life, did I?"

"No," Cas said. "It was very... arousing."

Heather smiled.  "You're just adorable, by the way.  And so sweet. I can see why Dean's been pining over you."  Cas and Dean both blushed a little at that and she smiled again. "Silly boys," she sighed. "This should have happened a long time ago."

"Mmmhmm," Dean said sleepily. "It should have, but I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid," Cas interrupted. "And it doesn't matter because we're here now."

Dean sighed happily, leaning over Heather's lap to wind his fist in Cas's tie, pulling him down into a long, lazy kiss.

"Um.  You know I'm still here, right Dean?" Heather teased as he practically climbed over her to get closer. She shifted and scooted awkwardly underneath him until they had switched spots, Dean allowing himself to be pulled into Cas's arms.

"Well," Heather laughed.  "I guess you guys don't need me here.  Cas, can you drive him home?  He's still hopped up on endorphins and adrenaline and he shouldn't drive for a while."

Cas nodded solemnly.

"Dean, you're not gonna crash and freak out about this later are you?"

Dean shook his head 'no'.

"Okay," she said uncertainly.  "Call me if you need anything.  Cas, you too.  Here's my number."  She fumbled in her purse for a pen and paper, scrawled it down, and shoved it into his coat pocket.   "I'm serious.  He's still a little out of it.  If he freaks later..."

"I'll call," Cas promised.

Heather gave Dean a hug and ruffled Cas's hair playfully, then slipped out of the car.

"Dean?" Cas whispered.

"Hmmm?" Dean asked, dozing off on Cas's shoulder.

"I should take you home."

"Uh uh," Dean protested, snuggling up closer and tightening his grip on him.

Cas smiled.  "Come on, get in the front seat with me," he coaxed.

Grudgingly, Dean made his way to the passenger side and curled up on the seat as best he could, laying his head on Cas's lap. Cas pulled the Impala onto the main road and began driving, one hand occasionally stroking Dean's hair.    
  
When they arrived at the bunker,  Cas led him up to his bedroom while somehow managing to avoid Sam.  Dean climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.  "Gonna sleep, Cas," he said tiredly.  "Wanna join me?"  
  
"I need to get back to Heaven," Cas said remorsefully.  "Why don't you get some sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
Dean nodded, his eyes already closed as Cas bent to press a soft kiss to his forehead.   
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Dean slept through the night for the first time in ages, and when he awoke at noon, he was groggy and a little confused.  Sometimes after a good scene, he'd awake feeling almost hungover.  His ass hurt from the plug and the working over with the slapper last night but his brain was finally thinking straight again.    
  
He fumbled downstairs for a cup of coffee, anything to clear the foggy feeling from his head.    
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Sam asked as he entered the kitchen.   
  
Dean froze, looking entirely too suspicious.  "What do you mean?"  
  
"Why are you walking funny?"  
  
"I don't know. Must have pulled something," Dean lied.    
  
"Huh.  Well hey, about that angel kill.  Looks like we might have another one close by.  Can you call Cas?  I tried but he didn't answer me."  
  
Dean shrugged.  "What makes you think he's gonna answer _me_ then?"  
  
Sam shot him a 'look'.  "Just call him."  
  
"Yeah, yeah.  After I eat," Dean grumbled. Suddenly, the memory of Cas standing there in a collar and boxers flashed into his head and he nearly choked on his coffee as the memories of last night flooded back to him.   
  
Fuck, why did his damn brain have to get so deep into subspace?    
  
_Oh god. I begged him to fuck me last night._


	7. Chapter 7

Dean was  _not_  about to call Cas.  Sammy could just suck it up and they could deal with this problem themselves, he thought. But before he'd even had a chance to deny Sam's request, Cas simply showed up.

"Hello Dean," the familiar gravelly voice said as he was shoving a spoonful of Cap'n Crunch cereal into his mouth.  "How are you feeling this morning?"

Once again, Dean nearly choked as he looked up into the blue eyes suddenly sitting across the table from him. He stared awkwardly at his cereal as his face flamed fire-engine red.  Cas silently pressed two fingers to his forehead and the faint ache in his ass subsided, making Dean breathe a gentle sigh of relief.

"Hey Cas. Thanks for coming," Sam said, looking at them curiously.  "Look, I think we have another angel kill on our hands.  Do you think you could..."

Dean zoned out for a few minutes, too wrapped up in his own embarrassment to focus.   _What the fuck am I supposed to say right now?_   he wondered.   _And oh god, please don't say anything in front of Sammy._

"Dean!" Sam yelled, tearing him from his thoughts.

"What?"

"I've been talking to you for five minutes.  Nothing?"

"Uh, sorry, Sammy."

Sam sighed impatiently.  "I said, Cas and I are going to go check this out.  Why don't you go back to bed or something.  You look completely out of it.  We'll call if we need you."

Dean was far from tired after sleeping in, but thankful for the excuse to not talk to Cas. "Yeah.  Okay, sure.  Call me if you need me," he mumbled, then retreated back to his bedroom quickly before Cas could say another word.

He collapsed on his bed in a state of panic, and lay there obsessing about his stupidity for a good hour before he finally decided to call Heather.

"Heather?"

"Hey Dean.  You okay?"

"No I'm not fucking okay!" he huffed. "What the fuck is wrong with me?  I can't even look him in the eye today!"

"Dean, calm down..."

"He... oh fuck.  He got a crash course in BDSM, spanked me, fingered me, then blew me when I begged him to  _fuck_  me. I don't fucking  _beg_  for anything, Heather!  Particularly not getting fucked in the ass!"

"Dean, relax.  Shit, I knew I shouldn't have left yet last night.  Where are you?"

"I'm at home. Sam has the car."

"Can you take a cab to the diner on Spring Street?  I can be there in fifteen minutes."

"Yeah," he sighed.  "I can be there."  
  
::::::::::::::::  
  
"What happened?"  Heather asked, sliding into the booth next to him.  "You were so happy afterward.  You could just see it; it was like this huge weight was lifted."  
  
"I don't know," he trembled.  "I just... I can't do this."  
  
"Dean," Heather said, placing a hand on his shoulder.  "You already did."  
  
"Well that can't fucking happen again!" Dean exploded.  "I don't need any more stress!  This has completely fucked our friendship.   I have no idea how to act around him.  I just can't deal with this!"  
  
Heather took a deep breath, trying to hide her frustration.  "Breathe.  Look, I know this is difficult for you.  You're coming to terms with your sexuality and..."  
  
"It's not  _just_  that," Dean sighed. "He saw me... vulnerable."  
  
Heather squinted her eyes as if Dean were a complicated puzzle she was trying to figure out. "You're having trouble with him seeing you in a submissive role," she mused.   
  
"You've seen me, Heather.  I'm downright needy and weepy and just... a fucking pussy when I'm like that."  
  
"First of all, I hate when you use that word in that context..."  
  
"Sorry," Dean muttered.   
  
"And secondly, what's so bad about being submissive in bed?  It doesn't make you weak, you know.  When we scene, we're equals.  And  _you_  always hold the power to make it stop."    
  
"I know, I'm just... I'm not like that around him!"  
  
Heather nodded.  "Maybe.  But it's still a part of who you  _are_.  Just because you've never shown him that part of you, doesn't mean you never should.  You  _did_.  And he was so naive, and still he just took care of you, exactly the way you like it.   He didn't judge you or question the fact that you were  _bound up in a fucking BDSM dungeon_ , he just gave you what you needed.  What you  _wanted_.  We should all be so lucky, Dean."  
  
Dean hung his head quietly, not really sure how to respond.    
  
"Are you really that worried about ruining your tough guy reputation?" she teased gently, eliciting a sigh from Dean. "Stop thinking like your dad," she suddenly demanded.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dean, I don't know everything about you, but I know enough.  I know that all your life you were told you could never cry, never show any emotion.   He completely fucked with your head.  You were always... what did you call it?  'Daddy's little soldier'.  'Be strong for Sammy.'  You raised a child while you were still a child yourself.  Well that's complete and utter bullshit, Dean. You're not your dad.  You're not bound to these silly, antiquated thoughts on masculinity.  Showing emotions, being sexually submissive, being bisexual... none of that makes you any less of a man."  
  
He took a deep breath and nodded slowly.   
  
"What would you say if your brother told you he was gay or bisexual?  Would you think any less of him?"  
  
"No," Dean said solemnly.  "He kind of has, actually.  I mean, we've talked about it... I know you're right.  It's still hard though."  
  
"I know," she said softly, as she squeezed his hand.  "But you can do this."  
  
Dean leaned his head back against the booth, lost in thought.  "Wanna scene for a bit?" he finally asked.   
  
Heather laughed.  "We can if you'd like.  My bag is in the trunk.  Where?"  
  
"There's a motel right next door..." Dean suggested.    
  
"Alright.  Can we invite Cas?" she teased.    
  
"Maybe..." Dean said tentatively.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"He's... He's actually working a job with my brother at the moment," he said quickly.    
  
"Maybe he's done.  Or he could join us later.  Call him anyway," she urged, sliding his phone across the table.    
  
Dean took a deep, quivering breath and punched in Cas's phone number.    
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

"Fuck," Dean mumbled as the paddle made solid contact with his already-sore ass.  He was restrained spread-eagle on the motel bed with his own underwear stuffed in his mouth.   The next sensation he felt was a burning cold as Mistress soothed his reddened cheeks with an ice cube.

"Think you've had enough of that for a while," she said, pulling his boxers out of his mouth. "Your man will be here shortly.  We should probably get you ready for him," she crooned.  "You gonna get over the macho bullshit today, pet?"

"Yes, mistress," Dean panted.

"Good."  She spread Dean's cheeks and squirted some lube up inside him again.

"M...mistress, what _is_ that?" he squeaked.  This wasn't the first time she'd squirted something up his ass, and frankly it felt a little weird.

"Just an eyedropper, pet," she laughed.  "Putting it up inside you isn't completely necessary, but a little extra lubrication can't hurt, right?"

Dean nodded happily. His Mistress really was good to him.

"Alright, just relax," she soothed as she rubbed gently against his hole.  "Just gonna get this plug in you now..."  Dean felt the slick silicone press against him and he pushed into it, letting it slide in with a familiar feeling of fullness.

"Good boy.  Taking it like a pro now," she smiled.  "You ever gonna let him fuck you senseless, pet?"

"Mmmhmm," Dean moaned. "Yes, mistress."

A knock on the door jolted Dean from his writhing.   "Wait here," Mistress instructed.

Dean heard the door open and a few minutes of hushed whispering before  Mistress finally came back to him, this time with Cas in tow.

"Clothes off, love," Mistress instructed him.

"A...all of them?" Cas faltered.

"Of course.  Hurry," she commanded.

Dean saw Cas undress out of the corner of his eye and he moaned as he saw that he was already hard.

"Anxious, pet?" Mistress teased.  "He'll touch you soon enough."  She turned to Cas.  "Get on top of him."

Cas looked at her curiously.

"You both remember your safewords, right?"

They both nodded.  "Then go ahead," she prodded Cas with her riding crop.

Cas crawled onto the bed and centered himself between Dean's legs, then pressed his body down on top of him.  Dean moaned at the sudden warm feeling of skin-on-skin as Cas nuzzled into his neck.

"How does he feel, pet?" Mistress teased.

"Good," Dean groaned.  "Strong.  Warm... Hard."

Mistress laughed.  "Mmmhmm.  This isn't so scary, is it?"

Cas began kissing and sucking at his neck and shoulder and Dean moaned.  "It's nice," he managed breathlessly. Mistress walked around the head of the bed and untied both of his wrists, and Dean immediately reached back to paw at Cas.   His ankles were next, and the ropes suddenly stopped digging into his flesh.  Now free of his restraints, Dean bucked his hips upward, rubbing his ass against him, and  Cas hummed with pleasure.

"Calm down there, pet," Mistress demanded.  "On your back, please," she said to Dean.

Dean obediently rolled onto his back.

"Knees up."  Dean bent his knees and Mistress slid the plug out of of his ass.  "Good boy," she whispered, coaxing Cas back down on top of him.

"Oh god," Dean whimpered as Cas's warm, heavy body slid on top of him. He looked up helplessly at Cas, who was suddenly looking a bit tentative at Dean's reaction.

"D...do you need to safeword?" Cas croaked. "I can stop, I..."

"No!" Dean said firmly. "Don't."

Cas nodded and pressed their lips together, and Dean kissed back hungrily, his hands digging tightly into Cas's back.

"How do you feel, pet?" Mistress asked again.

"Safe," Dean said simply. He knotted a hand firmly in the back of Cas's hair and yanked him back into another crushing kiss.  "Need you," he moaned as he pulled away.  "Need you so much.  Please..."

Cas shushed him quietly.  "Just lie here with me for a bit, okay?"

Dean thrust his hips upward in frustration, making Cas groan.  "But I _need_ you.  And _you_ need _me_.  You're so hard... Please just let me..."

The riding crop smacked down on Dean's leg and he yelped, suddenly reminding him that he and Cas were not the only two people in the room.

"Awful lot of talking out of turn, pet," Mistress warned.

"Please, Mistress," Dean begged, wrapping his arms and legs around Cas as tightly as possible.  He sucked and nibbled at his neck hungrily.  "Need him."  
  
"What do you need?" Mistress asked.   
  
"Wanna... touch," Dean gasped. "Please..."  
  
Mistress licked her lips thoughtfully.  "Lie down, love," she said, tapping Cas on the shoulder with the crop.    
  
Cas submissively lay down on his back next to Dean, looking up at her anxiously.   
  
"Look at how hard he is, pet," she said softly. "He wants you too. Can you take care of him for me?"  
  
Dean nodded enthusiastically.    
  
"You may touch," she said.   
  
With a growl of approval, Dean lunged forward, wrapping his fist around Cas's erect cock.  Cas whimpered loudly, completely overwhelmed as Dean touched him for the first time.  This wasn't how he imagined it happening, but Dean begging to touch him was a pretty big turn on.  
  
Dean began stroking, slowly and steadily increasing the pressure as Cas moaned frantically.    
  
"I can't... I'm not going to last long," Cas sobbed.  
  
"It's okay," Dean whispered.   "Mistress, can I...?" he started.   
  
"Yes, pet.  Take care of him, please."  
  
Dean hummed happily and bent to slide Cas's dick in his mouth.  He'd never had a dick in his mouth, but suddenly all he wanted was to make this beautiful creature in front of him happier than he'd ever been.  
  
"Dean!"  Cas exclaimed.  "Oh god, Dean..."  
  
"Uh uh," Mistress quickly hushed him.  "We don't use names here, love," she reminded him. But it was a little too late.  Dean was suddenly frozen in place, staring up at Cas curiously.

"Cas..." he mused quietly. "Fuck, Cas..."  Recognition registered in Dean's eyes now, yanked quickly out of his little subspace.

"I'm sorry," Cas said panting, pulling back enough to caress Dean's face and stroke his hair.  "Please, please don't get scared on me," he begged. "You don't have to do that, just... please don't leave."

Dean paused, squinting up at him confusedly. "You don't think that I only want you when I'm fucked up in subspace, do you?"

"I...I don't know, Dean. There are times when you get so into your own head, I get scared that anything I do is taking advantage."

"Cas... I'm still fully cognizant. A little less inhibited maybe.  Okay, a _lot_ less... but I still wouldn't do anything I didn't want to. That's why we have safewords."

"But you're... you're _different_ when you're subbing.  And I've heard that sometimes people who get deep into it can do things they don't remember doing... I'm sorry. I guess I'm still trying to figure all of this out," Cas said, embarrassed.

Dean sighed and pulled himself up to a sitting position. "Sorry Cas. I never should have dragged you into this. This is..." he sighed. "It's how I cope with things. I know it seems weird, but it calms me. I'm so busy being brave and putting on a good show all the time, sometimes I forget who I _am_. When I'm here, I'm just myself.  My _real_ self.  I can do whatever the fuck I feel. I can even cry if I need to. And I've never had to worry about repercussions because it's always been just Heather and me.   But you're here now and I'm sorry it's so confusing, but please don't think I don't want you because I fucking do!"

Cas sat silently for a moment. "How can I know that for sure? I thought you were okay with this last time but clearly you weren't. You have to _talk_ to me, Dean. I... I can't keep doing this. If you want things to go back to normal I'm okay with that, but I can't do this back and forth thing anymore. It just hurts too much."

"Cas..." Dean struggled to fight back the stray tear that was threatening to fall.  "I can promise you, I've never done anything I didn't want to do while I was subbing.  And I've never done anything I don't remember doing.  Heather wouldn't let me. There's a... special bond of sorts in a Domme/sub relationship.  I wouldn't do half this stuff if I didn't trust her completely.  I sure as hell wouldn't let anyone else shove something up my ass... except maybe you, eventually," he flushed.

"Dean!" Cas blushed.

"I'm serious.  The um... ass stuff is new, by the way..."  Dean fumbled. "Heather uh...  thinks I need to get over my weird fear of it."

"Why?" Cas asked, looking sincerely confused.

"Because..."  Dean bit his lip nervously, looking to Heather for help.  She just smiled and motioned for him to continue.  "I... I told her I have feelings for you. And um.  I think I'm... uh... a bottom," he finished as he felt his cheeks flaming.

"A bottom what?  Ohhhhh..." Cas recovered quickly.  "Dean, there's no rush to do that..."

"I know, but I kind of want to," Dean said weakly.  "A lot."

"Dean..." Cas looked at him speechlessly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why this is so difficult for me," Dean sighed as he hung his head.  "Shit," he mumbled, suddenly remembering he was stark naked.  Cas blushed a little as he looked away.

"Uh, guys... I'm going to head out," Heather said softly.  "Cas, aftercare.  You can take care of him, right?"

Cas nodded.

"That okay with you, Dean?" Heather asked.

Dean nodded nervously. "Yeah.  I think so."

"Call me and I'll give you guys a ride back, okay?  We can hang out all night we you need to, but I think you need some alone time."  Heather collected her belongings and quietly left.

"Dean," Cas said softly.  "Come here."  He lay down on the bed and pulled Dean in close to his chest.

They lay there in an awkward silence for a few minutes before one of them finally spoke.  "This feels weird," Dean sighed.

"Why weird?"

"Because it's _us_ , Cas.  And we're naked," Dean laughed nervously.

Cas sighed and stretched contentedly.  "I think it feels nice.  Let me take care of you, Dean."  He nuzzled softly at Dean's forehead, then let his bottom lip drag into tiny kisses against his jaw.

Dean felt his entire body arch as Cas's lips moved down to his neck, and he started panting embarrassingly. "Okay," he gasped.  " _This_ feels nice..."

Cas chuckled softly.  "Sorry.  It's supposed to be relax time, huh?"  He pulled back a little and began running his fingers comfortingly through his hair.  "So are you really okay, Dean?  I know this has been difficult for you."

Dean nodded and yawned sleepily.  "Difficult but good.  I know it's weird, but this has really helped me.  I'm physically and mentally exhausted.  Do you mind if we sleep for a bit?"

"Of course not, Dean."

He rolled over and grabbed Cas's hand, pulling his arm around his waist, and Cas snuggled in closer.

"Cas?" Dean said sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"Your dick digging into my ass is making me horny."

Cas burst out laughing. It was so strangely out-of-character for him, that Dean began laughing too.

"Sorry," Cas managed.  "I uh, I'll try to control it."

"You don't have to..." Dean mumbled, thrusting his ass back against him. 

Cas faltered for a minute, but quickly regained his composure.  "Mmm, I think we'd better hold off on that for a bit.  Just to be sure."

Dean nodded tiredly.  "'Kay, Cas.  But at least let me finish what I started."  
  
"Dean, you don't have to..."  
  
"I want to. Please."  Dean's hand wandered back down to his cock and Cas let out another long whine.    
  
"I'm just... too... sensitive right now, Dean," Cas choked.   
  
Dean gave him a long, hard lick, lapping up a bit of pre-come forming at the tip.  It tasted musky and salty, and not nearly as bad as he'd imagined.  "So just let it go."  
  
Cas groaned and threw his head back, and Dean grinned, palming the base of his cock while swallowing around the tip. He suckled him gently then pumped his fist a few times and Cas cried out.  
  
"Deeean!  Dean!  Ohhh!  Ohhh! Dean..." he sobbed as the warmth pooling in his abdomen spread waves of pleasure throughout his body.  He wound his fingers into Dean's hair tightly as he began to come, his body jerking uncontrollably.    
  
Dean choked and gagged a little, but he just dug his fingertips into Cas's hips until the moaning stopped and he had stilled.  As he pulled back, lips reddened and spit-slicked, Cas pulled him on top of him, squeezing him possessively.    
  
"Ohhh, Dean.  Please don't ever leave me," Cas sniffled.  
  
"Shhhh," Dean soothed.  "It's okay, Cas," he whispered, gently kissing his forehead.  He rolled them both onto their sides and cradled Cas in his arms.  "I never thought about it, but you probably need a little aftercare too.  I'm sure all of this has been stressful for you."  
  
"I... I'm fine," Cas panted.    
  
"I can call Heather back if you want..."  
  
"N...No.  I just need _this,"_ he said, tightening his arm around Dean's waist. _"_ Stay with me.  Please?"  
  
"I'm not goin' anywhere."  
  
Cas sighed happily and curled in closer as they stroked and comforted each other.  
  
"Let's sleep a little," Dean said softly.  "We could both use the break from all this emotion."  
  
Cas nodded drowsily.  "Sure.  Sleep well, Dean."  He leaned forward to brush a small kiss on Dean's forehead, making him blush.  
  
Dean smiled and yawned.  "This has been a good day.  Goodnight, Cas."  
  
"Night, Dean."


	9. Chapter 9

The strains of 'Back in Black' rang out from the bedside table, rudely jolting Dean from his sleep.  He opened his eyes and reached for his phone, smiling a little as Cas tightened his grip around him.

"Hey Heather," Dean said as he rested the phone against his ear.

"Dean?  Are you okay?"

"Fine," Dean said, gently ruffling Cas's hair.  "I'm fine.  Why?"

Heather snorted.  "Dean, I left you four hours ago. You guys didn't..."

"No, we didn't sleep together," Dean said.  He smiled as he heard Cas softly laughing.   "If you must know, I gave him a blowjob and then we fell asleep."

Heather laughed and Dean could practically _hear_ her rolling her eyes through the phone.  "I didn't need to know.  I just figured you guys would want a ride back at some point... And I kind of wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I told you I'm fine."

"I know.  But last time you freaked out on me later.  You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," he said, nuzzling at Cas's hair.  "I think I really am this time."

"Good," Heather said, sounding relieved.

"We'll get a ride back.  I'll call a cab if I have to. I think we'll just relax here a while," Dean said.

"Alright, Dean.  Call me tomorrow."

"Will do.  Thanks, Heather," Dean said sincerely.  "For everything."

"Anytime, sweetheart."

Dean hung up the phone and placed it back on the nightstand, and Cas raised his head, looking up at him with a sleepy smile.  "I like her," he said simply.

"Yeah.  Me too."

"So," Cas said tentatively.  "You're still okay?"

Dean yawned and stretched lazily.  "Cas, I'm lying in bed naked with you, your dick is digging into my leg, and I'm not freaking out.  I think I'm okay," he said wryly.

Cas smiled and shifted his hips back.  "Sorry.  I'm glad you're feeling better though."

"You know that whole freakout had nothing to do with you, right?" Dean asked.

"I know."

"I just..." he paused and sighed.  "This is all new to me.  These feelings.  I mean... Fuck.  I've never had these feelings about a guy before and it's...  it's weird, you know?" Dean fumbled.

"I know, Dean.  It's okay."

"And not just  _feelings_ ," Dean rambled on nervously.  "Sexual feelings too. God, Cas, I can't even tell you how many times I've thought about you slamming me down and fucking me senseless into the mattress, or taking me over the war room table or..."

"Dean!" Cas exclaimed, his face turning beet red.

"Sorry," Dean said, laughing anxiously.  "TMI?"

"No!" Cas exclaimed.  "It just... surprised me, that's all.  We can work on all of those eventually," he said shyly.

"Can we start now?"

Cas's breath hitched in his throat as he tried to respond.  "What did you have in mind?"

Dean pulled Cas up on top of him and kissed him hard. "I want you to fuck me, Cas," he whispered. "Bend me over and fuck me hard.  Want it rough.  Want you to take me apart."

"Oh," Cas gasped, dumbfounded. "Are you sure, Dean?  I think we should probably take it slow the first time..."

"I'm _so_ sure.  Want you to dominate me.  Make me feel owned."

Cas let out a whimper as he lunged forward, mashing their mouths together in a flurry of lips and tongues.  "D... Dean. I don't want you all off in subspace when we..."

"This isn't a scene, Cas. No subspace. Just you and me."

Cas grinned and kissed him again, letting his tongue caress the roof of Dean's mouth. "So you just like it rough, huh?" he rasped, nibbling and sucking little kisses down the side of his neck.

"Mmmm.  Fuck, _yes_ ," Dean moaned.

"Get on your knees for me and bend over," Cas said in a raspy voice.

Dean grunted happily and knelt, bending over and planting his head onto the pillow.  Cas's hand cracked down on his ass, and he jumped and chuckled happily.  Before he could even blink, a lubed finger was inside of him.

"Holy fuck, Cas. Give a guy some warning," Dean panted.

"You wanted it rough," Cas smirked. "Can I go easy on you now?"  
  
"Hell no."  
  
"Come on," Cas said softly. "There will be plenty of time for rough, kinky sex. Today I want to take my time with you."  He leaned forward, planting a trail of kisses across his shoulders and down his spine. "I can still take you apart," he whispered.  "Make you feel owned and loved and dominated.  Let me show you, Dean."  Slowly this time, he slipped another finger inside of him.    
  
Dean groaned and nodded frantically. "Yeah, Cas," he moaned.  "Yes."  
  
Cas smiled and continued working him open, adding a third finger as Dean grunted and panted on the bed. He groaned as his fingers disappeared and jumped as Cas's dick pressed against his entrance.  
  
Cas paused.  "You sure you're ready for this?"  
  
" _So_ ready.  Please, Cas," Dean begged.   
  
Cas took a moment to massage a little more lube around, then lined himself up and pressed into him.   
  
"Fuck," Dean groaned as the head breached him.   He took a deep breath and tried to relax as Cas gave another steady thrust and it slid inside of him, coaxing a loud, involuntary moan from Dean's lips.  
  
"Mine," Cas said firmly as his fingers dug into Dean's hips.  Dean growled his approval.  Slowly, Cas began to move his hips, watching his body language intently for any signs of discomfort.    
  
Dean had obviously had a few things up his ass before, but this was different.  Cas was much bigger than his toys, warmer and softer, and he felt stretched more than he had ever been.   It hurt a little, and felt strange, yet the raw, primal naughtiness of it was a serious turn-on.  
  
Already panting, Dean rolled his head back to look at him.  Cas was gazing at him fondly, mouth slightly agape as if in wonderment as Dean arched back against him.    
  
Cas continued slow, gentle thrusts as Dean moaned uncontrollably.    
  
"Oh god, _Cas."_  
  
"You feel amazing, Dean," Cas murmured, kissing and sucking at his back and shoulders.  "And I love seeing you like this, all bent over and submissive..." he panted.  "But I want to see your face."  He gently pulled out and urged Dean onto his back.    
  
Dean eagerly spread his legs, pulling Cas down on top of him, and locking him into a long, desperate kiss.   
  
"I've wanted you for so long, Cas," Dean said in a shaky voice.    
  
"I know.  I've wanted you too," Cas said.  He kissed him softly then pulled back and gripped him under his knees, pushing him back on the bed.  
  
Dean cried out at the visual of Cas's cock sinking back into him.   He had no idea that his body could even bend this way.  Cas had his knees practically folded back to his ears with his fingertips sunk into his thighs, and Dean was pretty damn sure he was going to be sore in the morning.  
  
Cas began whispering little words of adulation as he began thrusting into him again.  "So beautiful, Dean," he rasped.  "Inside and out. Stop punishing yourself for things you can't control."  
  
"C...Cas, I..."  
  
"Shhhh.  Just let me love you, worship you, take care of you..." he whispered, as he set a slightly faster pace.   
  
"Oh god, Cas," Dean gasped as his fingers dug into Cas's shoulders.  It was feeling pretty good now, Cas's dick was rubbing up against his prostate just right and he was starting to feel a little lightheaded and overwhelmed.   Noises were falling out of his mouth that he didn't even know existed.  He was writhing and trembling now, and all he could think about was how he'd never wanted anything in his life like he wanted to be fucked hard by Cas right now.  "Please..." he pleaded.  "Harder.  Faster."  
  
"Still want it rough, huh?" Cas breathed.   
  
"Yessss," Dean moaned. "Fuckin' _own_ me, Cas."  
  
Cas happily accommodated, snapping his hips faster as Dean held on for dear life.  There was something thrilling about sex with an angel, Dean decided.  Cas was ridiculously strong, fast, and agile.  Just knowing that Cas could fucking  _destroy_ him if he wanted to was another huge turn-on.   
  
Dean gripped onto Cas's ass and held on tightly as he began relentlessly slamming into him.    
  
"Fuck, Cas," Dean choked.   
  
"Touch yourself, Dean," Cas murmured. Dean was so overwhelmed and overstimulated he'd almost forgotten. He tried to stroke himself but his body was flailing helplessly under the force of Cas's thrusting.  
  
"Cas!" Dean exclaimed suddenly.  "Oh shit.  Fuck, fuck, fuck, Casssss..."  His body tensed, then jerked forward involuntarily.  
  
"Mine, Dean," Cas said firmly, punctuating his statement with his hips.   "Mine."    
  
"Yeah, Cas," Dean sobbed.  "Fuck... Yours.  God, I love you..." he blubbered, splashing thick white ropes of come against both of their chests.   
  
Cas followed not far behind, thrusting impossibly harder and faster as he came.  "Deeeean, fuck, Dean. I love you so much..."    
  
Cas dropped his legs and collapsed down onto Dean's chest, pressing their lips together and licking hungrily into his mouth.   "Mmm, you're amazing," he mumbled. "Everything about you, Dean.  Ohhh," he moaned as Dean rolled them over, kissing back fervently. They tussled around on the bed, tangling their legs and arms and tongues together until Dean finally fell back, completely and utterly exhausted.   
  
Cas put his arm out and pulled Dean in close to his chest and Dean curled up to him as he tried to calm his breathing.   
  
 "Was that just a _sex_ 'I love you'?" Dean panted, his voice raspy and wrecked from screaming.  
  
"No," Cas said softly as he stroked Dean's damp hair away from his face.  "Yours?"  
  
"No."  
  
Cas smiled and sighed happily.  "I meant it about punishing yourself, you know," he said softly.   
  
"Cas..."  
  
"If you enjoy it, it's okay.   I enjoyed it a little more than I thought I would...  And if it helps you cope with things, that's fine too.  But stop thinking you need to punish yourself, Dean."  
  
Dean sighed and nodded.  "I know, Cas.  A lot of times, I just do it because I really like it."  
  
"I know," Cas grinned.  "And I can't wait to get you back on that bench..."  
  
"Cas!" Dean chuckled.  "Kinky little angel..."  
  
"It's all your fault," Cas purred.  They lay there in a comfortable silence for a while, just holding each other and listening to each other breathe.   
  
"So you're okay?" Cas finally asked.   
  
"Yeah," Dean smiled.  "I'm fan-fucking-tastic. I mean, my ass hurts, but..."  
  
Cas laughed and pressed two fingers to his forehead, and the dull ache suddenly disappeared.   
  
"Best boyfriend ever," Dean sighed sleepily.   
  
"Best what?"  
  
"You heard me.  You fucked me and you're stuck with me now," Dean smirked.   
  
Cas hummed contentedly.  "I think I can deal with that."  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys. Thanks for reading and for all your kind comments. Happy New Year!

"Dean!"  Heather called out from across the crowded diner, flagging them over to her table.

"Hey, Heather," Dean greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Caaaas," Heather drawled, pulling him in for a hug too.  "I take it things are going well?" she asked as they removed their jackets and seated themselves in the booth.  "I haven't seen you in almost two months!"

"Yeah.  Things are good," Dean smiled softly.

Heather beamed.  "Cas, he hasn't had any more panicked freakouts?"

"No.  I mean, he's still a little jumpy about showing affection in public, but I can live with that," Cas said, teasingly kissing at the side of Dean's neck.

"Caaas," Dean protested, swatting him away.  Cas grinned and shot her a look to say 'see?'.

Heather rolled her eyes and laughed.  "Can't have it all, Cas."

"Hey, to be fair, I've never been a PDA kinda guy," Dean argued.   "You should save that shit for the bedroom."

"And just how _is_ he in the bedroom?" Heather asked, suggestively raising an eyebrow.

Cas chewed his bottom lip, trying to bite back a laugh.  "A big ball of fluff and mush."

"Oh shut _up_ ," Dean mumbled, his face blushing from his neck to the tips of his ears.

Heather grinned, intent on teasing him a little more.  "But I bet he likes it rough and dirty..."

"Mmmhmm," Cas replied.  "Bent over a table, hard and fast... and he really likes having his hair pulled a little..." he mused.

"Cas!"  Dean exclaimed.  "Jesus, no fucking filter..." he muttered, shaking his head.

"I'm just agreeing that you like it rough," Cas said.  "Until afterward when you want to be babied and taken care of."

"Oh my god..." Dean was hiding his face in his hand now and Heather was rolling with laughter.

"So do you keep him on a tight _leash_ , Cas?" Heather winked.

Cas shrugged.  "Sometimes.  He seems to enjoy that," he answered earnestly.

"Oh fuck my life," Dean groaned.

Heather was laughing so hard now she could barely breathe. "Dean," she gasped.  "With all the things I've done to you over the years, I can't believe you still get embarrassed talking about sex."

"It's fine when we scene, but... " Dean struggled, visibly flustered.

"It's okay, Dean," Cas interrupted, quietly slipping his hand under the table and placing it on his knee.  "You know I love how sweet and submissive you are," he whispered in his ear. Dean sighed and visibly relaxed.

Heather watched this exchange in amusement.  "Well, are you lovebirds ready to order?"

By the time Dean and Heather had finished their meals (just coffee for Cas, since he'd 'just eaten'), the conversation had turned tame as Heather talked about her relationship, Dean had talked about Sam, and they shared vague details about work.   They parted a while later with more hugs, each promising to get together again soon.

"We really should get together with her more often," Cas said as Dean turned the Impala onto their dimly-lit dirt road.

"Yeah.  And maybe meet this new chick she's dating.  She seems kinda head-over-heels, huh?"

Cas nodded. "Wonder how she feels about the whole BDSM thing?"

"Oh, that's how they met," Dean laughed.  "She told me when she called last week.  Apparently she's another Domme at the club."

"Huh," Cas contemplated.  "Wonder how it works when you get two Dommes in a relationship...?"

Dean shrugged.  "I dunno. Must be difficult.  I suppose they can both sub on occasion."

"Hmm.  Maybe we could all scene together," Cas said offhandedly.

Dean glanced over at him and grinned.  "My god, I've corrupted you so badly."

"I don't know.  I think I've done a fair job of corrupting you too," he said, gently running his hand up the inside of Dean's thigh.  "For example, when we get home, you're going to put on that collar and strip for me. Then I'm going to restrain you on the bed and touch, and lick, and tease you until you beg me to fuck you."

Dean whimpered happily.  " _Fuck_ , Cas..."  With shaky hands, he pulled the Impala into the garage and shut the engine off.   As soon as he stepped out, Cas swept him up in his arms as if he were carrying him over the threshold  ( _fuck_ , he was strong). He effortlessly carried him up the stairs as Dean protested.

"Cas, c'mon, I can walk, you know.  You're gonna give me a complex," he grumbled, his face blushing furiously.

"Yeah, but you can't kiss me while you're walking," Cas teased.

Dean rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around his neck. "You're such a pain in my ass."

"Sometimes," Cas deadpanned. "Hopefully later."

Dean laughed and kissed him gently.

"Such a ball of fluff and mush," Cas winked.

Before Dean could argue, he was interrupted by a loud groan.

"God, not again..." Sam whined.  "Can you guys try to keep it down tonight?"

"I'll see what I can do, Sammy," Dean mumbled, burying his face in Cas's shoulder.

Cas made his way up to Dean's bedroom and kicked the door shut, gently lowering him down on the bed.  Immediately, Dean grabbed his wrist and pulled him down on top of him, biting and sucking little marks on Cas's neck as Cas began grinding their hips together.

"Shit.  Dean," Cas groaned.  "Heaven's calling me..."

Dean sighed dramatically and let go of him, flopping back on the bed.  "Sonofabitch."

"You know what?"  Cas said thoughtfully.  "Heaven can wait."

Dean wrapped his arms around him again and continued working his way up Cas's neck.  "Really?"

"Yeah.  I've got my own heaven right here."  
  
Dean snorted with laughter.  "And you call _me_ a big ball of mush?"  
  
"I say something nice and you poke fun at me?" Cas asked incredulously.  "Just wait until I find my paddle... "  
  
Dean grinned and picked up his collar.  "I love you, you know."  
  
"I love you too.  Now... can I put that on you?"  
  
Dean purred happily. "Yes, _sir_."


End file.
